


EPISODE 54: Neil Josten is One Cocky Bitch

by unrain



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Gen, POV Outsider, Podcast, Social Media
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 05:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20285986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrain/pseuds/unrain
Summary: In which we try to talk about the Stars vs. Foxes game. Try, is the keyword here. Also, every athlete in exy can be categorized into one of two groups: cats or dogs. Which are which? Alsoalso, Kath finally gets a chance to talk about her beau, one of the select few cats in the sport, the one and only, A*ndr*w M*ny*rd. And we don't even rib her for it. Much.[or: a podcast episode about exy]





	EPISODE 54: Neil Josten is One Cocky Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> this is shamelessly based on two hockey podcasts, _Ms. Underestimated_ and _You Can't Do That_. please give them a listen if you're even vaguely interested in hockey!
> 
> some clarifying notes here in the beginning about who are in what teams and what their nicknames are, for your reference:
> 
> THE FOXES:  
Kenichi "Kevin" Wymack-Day / Kenny / Queen  
Andrew Joseph Minyard / Minnie (Mouse) / Knives
> 
> THE STARS:  
Danielle Wymack Wilds / Dan / Wilds  
Neil Abram Josten / Nails  
Nicholas Esteban Hemmick / Nicky / Lass(y)
> 
> THE SHARKS:  
Matthew Boyd / Matt / Boom  
Allison Reynolds / Ally / Riot

RIVER: So. Last night happened.

DEE: [gasp] No! Really? Are you sure? Are you really sure? How can we be sure that last night really happened and it wasn’t just a collective nightmare of a hallucination or something?

RIVER: Dee, seriously?

SANDHYA: Dead fucking serious!

KATH: Oh my god, guys, can we just like, not, this time?

DEE: I second that, I don’t want to give a recap of last night’s game. Dan’s face when the referee blew the last whistle… Like, fuck, I’d rather someone just stab a dull dagger through my heart, repeatedly, like that was the most heartbreaking thing ever.

KATH: Fucking Kevin Day.

DEE: Fucking Foxes!

RIVER: I totally concur, but guys, please keep the swearing to a minimum. Let’s at least pretend to keep a veneer of professionalism, okay?

SANDHYA: Fuck the Foxes! Long live the Stars!

KATH: [whistles]

DEE: [slams her hands against the table] The Stars! The Stars! The—

[ MUSIC: Intro ]

RIVER: Okay, I’ll get Beth to edit that out, so before we spiral into another meltdown— Let’s get introductions out of the way first, okay? I’ll begin — I’m River, the host of this podcast and with me I have three lovely and dear friends of mine.

SANDHYA: Yeah, hello, guys! I’m Sandhya, and the only thing bigger than my love for the Stars is my hatred for the Foxes.

DEE: Hiya! My name is Dee. Once upon a time I stumbled upon a sport called exy and then I totally lost my chill.

KATH: Hi there, Kath here. My first true love is cars, but exy is a close second. I’ve been in this game for a few years now, so I’ve chilled out somehow, but I’m always here for something fast and pretty.

RIVER: Fast and pretty… Okay, I see you, Kath. Sandhya, why don’t you just give a brief summary of what happened to our lovely listeners so we ensure everyone’s up to date and such.

SANDHYA: [sighs] Ugh, if I have to. Basically, it was like this: the Foxes vs. the Stars. The Stars were leading four to two until like the last damn quarter of the game, when Kenny fucking Day just had to flex his noodles for arms and score two more goals and force the game to go OT, which ultimately made the Stars lose five to four to the fucking Foxes. And now the Stars are seriously in jeopardy of securing that placement in the playoffs.

RIVER: But are we really? Did anyone look at the actual statistics or is it just hearsay?

KATH: No, I looked into it. It’s not good, scoob, not good at all.

RIVER: Do I even want to know what percentages we’re in?

KATH: Like… zero three percent.

DEE: [groans]

RIVER: Are you kidding me?

SANDHYA: I think I’m going to puke.

RIVER: Okay… okay. But the next one in the Western Block are the Tigers, and they haven’t been doing so hot either. We’re just going to have to cross our fingers and hope the Stars outscore in the next game. But come on, guys, people aren’t tuning in to hear us wah wah, like let’s get the juicy details. Kath, Sandhya, Dee, you were all three there to watch it all live. Give us the highlights!

SANDHYA: Yeah, so we watched Dan’s beautiful face crumble and cry in high quality HD. Fun!

RIVER: Sandhya. Please.

KATH: [giggling]

RIVER: What, Kath?

KATH: No, I just remembered… Josten got carded for unsportsmanlike behavior and was sent to the bad boy box.

SANDHYA: Oh! Yeah, that was actually kind of funny.

RIVER: Wait, what? I didn’t catch that on the television.

DEE: El oh el, River, can you even imagine what he did to get carded? He didn’t touch anyone, but he definitely said something.

RIVER: Only Josten, man.

DEE: He said something to the referee when he didn’t count Josten’s second goal. Because Minyard had just kicked the ball from Josten’s first attempt at scoring, but instead of letting the ball cross the midline after Minyard’s kick, Josten tried to return the ball in a second attempt at scoring. The ball went in, alas…

SANDHYA: That’s such a stupid fucking rule. Who cares whether the ball crosses the midline or not before trying another scoring attempt. If a goalie’s punch is pussy ass weak then the ball’s going too slow anyway. A goal’s a goal!

DEE: I agree with you, Sandhya, and I think that was Josten’s protests too. You see Josten talking it over with the referee, and in the next second, the referee is pushing a yellow card to Josten’s chest.

RIVER: What do you reckon he said?

KATH: [snorts] If we know Neil Abram Josten right, he said something carelessly, like something lighthearted and something he’d consider a joke, right? Like a half truth, but half a joke too, only it’d be too close to the truth, like hitting too close to your most vulnerable weakness without even meaning to do it, and you’re just there standing, ahahaha, that’s sooo funny, dude, you’re just so hilarious, man, but also, _ ouch_.

SANDHYA: He probably told the referee, “so you’re a referee because you couldn’t make it as a professional exy player, huh?”

DEE: Okay——ow!

KATH: [laughs] Oh my god, you just know he did!

RIVER: Yeah… That, and I say this with as much fondness and love that I can fit into my tiny heart, but that _ asshole_.

KATH: Okay, but Dee, Sandhya, you didn’t even mention the best part. So like right as the referee is pushing Josten towards the bad boy box, they pass by Minyard, and Minyard yells something after Josten. People may send us an email to correct me if I’m wrong here, but from our seats, I think I heard Minyard yell, “better luck next time!” And that’s when the stadium exploded.

DEE: Complete pandemonium.

RIVER: Wait, is that the trending Twitter clip where Josten’s yelling something by the benches and Dan and Nicky _ and _ Marlon had to physically grab him by the shoulders and waist and pull him back from the court.

SANDHYA: Our boy was ready to throw gloves and fight till death right there and then, sponsors and career be damned.

KATH: I swear to God, those two…

DEE: Okay, but don’t we all walk around with a lowkey desire to punch that dwarf in the face and wipe that smug little smile off his face? Like, it’s one thing to be good at something, it’s another thing to excel at something and then win at everything! Enough is enough! You can’t have your cake and eat it too, like that’s no fun. You’re either excellent at something and always doomed with bad luck or you’re the underdog desperately trying to climb up the ranks. You can’t have both bag and sack, Minyard, that’s not how sports work!

KATH: Uuh, Dee, I think that’s how sports work, actually. Occasionally, anyway.

DEE: Kath, you think that midget is the best thing since sliced bread, don’t think I’ve forgotten your betrayal to our team, but that makes your opinion on anything revolving around Minnie Mouse null and void forever and ever, amen.

RIVER: [laughs] Dear listeners, you can’t see us, so I just want you all to know that Kath gave the biggest eyeroll, her whole head rolled around with it. But anyway, I just searched up the clip again, and like, yeah, wow, Nails is _ pissed _ off, he’s practically barking up a storm. I wonder what he yelled.

SANDHYA: Probably something shortphobic.

DEE: “Pick on something your own size, huh! A baby, maybe!”

RIVER: [laughs] Dee, what?

DEE: You know their dumbass chirps is like, kindergarten level of throwing shit at each other.

KATH: Hey, are you all forgetting Josten’s literally only one inch taller Minyard, how can he be shortphobic?

SANDHYA: Hmm, no comment. But if we had to lose, at least we got indignant Josten, which is the best Nails out there.

RIVER: Love my men flushed and flustered, barking and showing teeth.

DEE: You know who else were stomping around on the court, prickly and hissing up a fit?

RIVER: Who? No, wait a sec, let me guess. Kevin Day?

DEE: The Queen himself.

SANDHYA: Fuck, it’s so bittersweet, like Dan pulled a Wymack move and scored a tripple and got her fifth hundred goal on a game she ultimately _ lost _. Like fuck a Kevin Day and his anal retentivness, like, “Oh, no, Mr. Referee, that goal cannot count because of paragraph 8 in the rulebook, which I have right here, and also, can you tell people to stop cheering so loud? They’re disturbing my mood, which is a balanced and intricate coral reef built upon my numerous superstitious rituals, and the decibel in here is threatening my sensitive eardrums to explode.”

KATH: Bitch, I’ll kill you.

DEE: Hate the player, but love the way he stomps around the court, giving us that view.

SANDHYA: Dee, I’ll fucking kill _ you _ if you don’t shut up right this second.

DEE: What? I can hate the guy while also simultaneously acknowledge that he has ass, and a pretty one at that.

KATH: Gross.

SANDHYA: Okaaaay, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t listen to this. Other people’s transgressions are not my business, you’ll have to answer to God for that.

KATH: Dee, serious question here, but what ass? Clean your eyeballs, that guy has chicken sticks for legs, they’re just attached straight to the rest of his torso.

RIVER: Legs and ass straighter than the Kansas highways.

DEE: Okay, now you guys are just downright lying. If he doesn’t have ass, then try to explain this picture then!

[ EXTENDED PAUSE ]

[ SOUND EFFECT: Crickets ]

SANDHYA: Dee, that’s the shape of his femur sticking out.

RIVER & KATH: [in hysterics]

DEE: [groans] The Nile isn’t just a river in Egypt, but fine. We can all agree that watching him act like a big pissy baby throwing a diaper tantrum on court after queen and legend Dan scored her fifth hundred goal was definitely a highlight of an otherwise depressing game.

SANDHYA: Oh, it definitely was. When he threw the gloves down, like, “I’m not part of your system!” It’s just like... like okay then, drama queen.

KATH: Dan looking on coolly as she jogs up to him and the referee… Her gestures are reading, “So does that mean we won’t be going out for drinks at Dad’s place afterwards?” While her face is just all, cat caught the canary.

RIVER: Yes, hello! Everyone is so focused on the Minyard-Josten rivalry, no one talks about where the big drama really is.

DEE: Captain Kenichi “Kevin” Wymack-Day of the Columbian Foxes and Captain Danielle Wymack Wilds of the Florida Stars, son and adopted daughter respectively of David Wymack, former star player of the Boston Beavers and also listed as one of the top ten best NEL players of all time. Big whew, what the fuck? Like, can you imagine the Christmas parties?

RIVER: And Kenny’s dear mother is none other than Kayleigh Day, one of the founding members of the first North American exy league. That’s a fucking accomplishment, especially as a Japanese American woman in sports at the time. Boss ass bitch.

SANDHYA: Jesus, that’s a fucking scion of a sports family, right there.

DEE: I remember first finding out about their family history and I’ve got to be honest, it’s one fucked up story all together. But finding out that they’re siblings? One of my favorite things, it’s just the cherry on top of an already great cheesecake.

RIVER: Sibling rivalry of the ages. I just absolutely adore that Halloween photo of them where Dan’s Batman and Kenny’s Robin in their college years. I’m surprised there’s not more photos circulating around the interwebs.

SANDHYA: Okay, but you all know why it’s not as advertised as other rivalries or duos. It’s because Dan is a woman.

KATH: A Black woman.

RIVER: Media bias is, excuse the language, absolute shit. The only time they try to monetize on her name is when the tabloids got ahold of new hookup rumors. God bless the Sharks’ golden boy, Matthew Cameron Boyd, but why is his name always right there on the headlines beside Dan’s name? She likes doe eyes and big dick, big whoop! Now did you guys know she’s the first female captain in a Class I NEL team? Not only that, but that she’s the youngest player to ever captain any team in the league ever? That she’s won numerous more awards than Kenny and Nails put together? 

KATH: Preach.

SANDHYA: Watch the sports media not even mention that she scored her fifth hundred goal during the game and instead use space dedicated to speculation about Josten and Minyard’s cock wrangling.

RIVER: Fighting.

SANDHYA: What?

RIVER: Cock fighting, not…

SANDHYA: Same difference, isn’t it?

DEE: Okay, not to add to more angst to our angstiest boy in exy, but what do you think Day thinks about Dan wearing the number one?

SANDHYA: Because he’s wearing number two, you mean?

DEE: No, more like—

KATH: Because Riko Moriyama wears number one too.

SANDHYA: Sensor yourself.

RIVER: I always forget the Ravens exist until they’re suddenly in our faces and then my blood boils hotter than hell. But to answer your question, Dee--I don’t know? I don’t think he thinks too much about it or try to see any deeper meaning to it.

KATH: Hmm, if we look at it this way. All we know about Kenichi and Dan’s relationship indicates that they share a good sibling relationship, albeit with a dose of maybe more than healthy rivalry. And look, Kenichi got drafted into an already well established team that has already won the playoffs like three times in the last decade before he entered the scene. He’s doing okay, and I don’t think he feels any kind of inferiority complex when his team was the one to hold the Cup last year. Like, I wouldn’t worry about his fragile psyche or anything, I mean.

SANDHYA: Exactly.

KATH: And before any Foxes fan tries to yell in our email about it. Look. I’m not saying that Kenichi isn’t a good player, because although we rib him for a lot of his eccentries, there’s no denying that he’s one of the best players in this generation. He’s a good player. Brilliant, even. But let’s be honest, Kenichi didn’t have to do anything more other than bring his own A game and look pretty to get this far. Dan though? Dan had to  _ fight _ to get her team in the shape it is today. It’s not Josten, or even Hemmick, who saved the Stars from the deepest abyss of exy limbo. A sinking franchise that hadn’t touched the playoffs in twelve fucking year, and the one who saved them was Dan fucking Wilds, who pulled them up from the bottom of those placements lists with her bare hands, and we all know it hasn’t been a road on roses, to put it mildly.

SANDHYA: I love that woman. 

DEE: Ditto. What an absolute inspiration. 

SANDHYA: And let’s be honest. Dan works hard, but I also feel like she’ll shake off the loss by tonight and go to that drink out at Papa Wymack’s place with good humor and drink Kenny under the table. If Kenny had lost? He’d probably be going to Pizza Hut and eat a single pizza all huddled alone in a corner booth in his post-interviews suit, sadly licking the dressing off his fingers.

KATH: [snorts] Argh— Ugh, fuh——fuck, ugh, shi—hit, I think I just snorted some of my coffee.

RIVER: Disgusting, Kath.

KATH: Fuck, I just. I can’t believe I for a minute forgot that photo existed.

SANDHYA: Kenny eating a whole pizza alone in a sadly manner in the dingy lights of an average Pizza Hut after a very public and very humiliating loss? You bet that photo exists, and if I have any say, it will never die.

DEE: You’ll never let him live that down, will you?

SANDHYA: No.

RIVER: Sorry to cut the party short, ladies, but I think we need to wrap this up. It’s not the last we see of Dan Wilds or Kenny Day, that’s for sure. But guys, we’ve kinda just completely spiraled out of topic and are going overtime, so I’ll suggest we just move on to the next segment, or what?

DEE: Yes, let’s!

SANDHYA: What an emotional rollercoaster.

[ MUSIC: Segment Break ]

**Author's Note:**

> expect the next two parts within a few days [peace sign]


End file.
